Eureka!!! Eureka!!!

Yesterday my favorite aunt made what I think is a nasty comment. “C, you have never really fallen in love”. At first I dismissed this saying that she doesn’t know an electrode of what has happened in my life.

Unfortunately she decided to elaborate. “When you are in love you will not be able to dismiss people like this from your life. You will go crazy when you loose someone. You wouldn’t know how to carry on with life as it is. You’ll do everything to go the distance to make sure that both are happy. You need to feel really bad even at thought of loosing her”.

I’ve said “I love you” to three people in my entire life. Honestly. Being not the most righteous of people I have known in my life, can’t figure for the life of me why I hold these three words so dear. So every time I have actually said them were when I meant them…..…well at least when I thought I did. In my defense, all three times when things didn’t work out I felt like something you scrape off the sole of your shoe with a stick. All three times I got hammered (ODed in one instance), met somebody remotely interesting, got laid (maybe just the though of getting laid in some instances) and lived to tell a very interesting tale.

Now I’m all confused. Is “turnaround time” the only judge in falling in love? I know a lot of people who would kill (literally) to feel the same way as I do. What would you give to carry on with life as normally as possible couple of days after you have lost (presumably) the love of your life?? So why am I questioning myself? Because my entire life has been questioned over one conversation!!!! Everything I thought I believed in. I mean, here is my aunt telling me that the only three times I have actually loved a woman, I haven’t really been in love!!! That’s kind of a fuck-all trip for one weekend, don chu think?

On the other hand you love to the best of your knowledge, right? I mean you don’t go around thinking that this is how I’m going to act when I’m in love. It just happens. So I’ve loved, lost and moved on. Does that sound so aloof? So insensitive? Jesus, think I’m turning paranoid!

Turn around and ask whether I really want to meet somebody, who I’ll be crazy about and GO crazy if I do loose them? If what I already know is not love, then I’m not quite sure whether I want to be in love in the first place.

I’m not quite sure about a lot of thing happening in my life right now and when somebody says a thing like this makes me want to run around town in my Winnie-the-pooh boxers!!!!!

I Feel Nice Like Sugar & Spice.

Read here that one should not blog when stressed. Trust me after yesterdays blog (yes, the one in incomprehensible language of Donatello) I honestly feel much better. I got everything I wanted to say out, without a soul understanding. That was me in my black hole in one of my darkest hours. I think within that short post of maybe one page, I recall almost seven cigarettes butts going down the toilet. Trust me it would have been twenty if it wasn’t for the post. I told the whole truth and nothing but the truth and it felt good as fuck!

I don’t know whether it was therapeutic, I don’t know whether it was the right thing to do and right now I can’t understand half the shit I wrote but who gives a flying rats arse! In the words of James Brown “I feel good

Ancora La Amo.

Non posso credere che ami il suo questo molto. Ho saputo che è stata strappata fra due mondi. È stata strappata fra desiderare amarlo con il tutto lei forza e vita il suo sogno dei genitori. Così lo ho reso più facile su lei dicendo che sto passando e sono andato su una data immaginaria. Per quanto sa ho mangiato il caffè con un certo pulcino sconosciuto. I l'avversione fucking il mio auto per stare a lei ed io si odia ancor più per lasciarla andare. Se quello non è amore, non penso che esista una cosa denominata amore.

Ho ritenuto che il mio cuore ha strappato verso l'esterno e sbattuto contro una parete concreta quando mi ha detto circa lui. So che ora sta guardando i positives e potrebbe fare per sempre ed avversione così fucking di I quello. Per ottenere la destra di fatto, odio il fuckslut! Lo odio per l'unica ragione per la quale lo gradisce, dato che essere quello socialmente accettato. Odio il fatto lei che prova a costruirgli una cassa per. Odio il suo umore. Odio i suoi tatuaggi. Odio la sua scuola. La odio che ritiene desiderata da lui. Scopata! Lo detesto fisicamente. Tutto questo, dopo non neppure conoscendolo. Scopila! Non è degno il blog di avversione di scrittura in Italiana a 2.30am.

È la mia zucca. È mine e penso che sia un fuckslut affinchè provare uniforme me l'prenda via. Femmina del fuckslut, l'unica ragione per la quale è venuto a voi eravate perché non ero che cosa i suoi genitori hanno ordinato ed io amate il suo troppo per prenderli via dal suo padre.

Il Raththran dell'oh, come desidero la Sri Lanka è stato fatto maturare abbastanza per accettarlo ti amo così tanto che neppure non potete cominciare a capire in che misura. Ti amo così tanto che realmente li desidero essere felici con il fuckslut. Sono stato là per voi per due anni. Attraverso quasi tre boyfriends, due disfacimenti amari, uno hanno venuto a mancare la carta dal exam e così tanto più. Non posso credere che vi abbia detto di ricordarmi circa oggi in sei mesi di tempo. Desidero dirvi che cosa ho fatto oggi e rendo voi il tatto migliore se le cose non risolvono con il fuckslut. Scopata! Perchè non posso odiarlo per il dolore che state causando? Per l'amore di speranza dolce del Jesus I capirete quando mi tiro via da voi. Non posso essere là per voi più zucca. Danneggia troppo. Lascilo prego andare ti amo cento volte sopra la zucca.

Scopata stanno giocando IRIS sulla radio. SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA! SCOPATA!

alis volat propris

There is no other person in my memory whom I can name as somebody I would have loved to have got to know better….a lot better, than Kishi. The number of times we have got together I can count with my fingers. So how come I feel this bad that she’s leaving the island?

Here’s my shot at describing her. If ever God made cases studies of people, Kishi would be the case study for sweet. The ‘ah-ha” look she gives you is simply adorable!! How she slightly bites the lips, curls the mouth to the right, tilts her head and goes “mmumh!” makes you want to have a shot of rum and sing “Sweet Caroline”!!....um…guess you have to know her to get what I mean.

She’ll talk about from Forrest Gump to the issues in the middle-east all night long. Making gestures with her hands to make you understand but the only shape she ever makes is something like a bamboo shoot, over and over again!! That’s the shape of a tank as well as a chocolate bar!!!

Anyway Kishi, it’s time and this is me missing you….already.

IRONIC - ALANIS MORISSETTE

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

I Have A Dream But Not A Plan.

Today I had to have one of those “ok, now what are you going to do with your life” conversations with Indu Aunty. Most of the time it’s not as bad as it sounds as my favorite aunt as this uncanny habit of seeing thing in a more this-is-the-way-it-should-be kind of way that enlightens my I-don’t-give-a-flying-rats-ass attitude.

She started off by saying that I should grow up. I have been thinking about this for sometime now. Especially after getting close to people like berriya I felt that I really don’t take life seriously as some people think I should. I mean I don’t have two/three/five year plans, for fucks’ sake, I don’t even plan on shitting before going to work tomorrow. Honestly I don’t have any regrets either. Professionally, I’m in middle management, financially, I earn a six figure monthly salary, I got married because I fell in love, I separated coz both of us grew out of each other. No, I don’t regret even the marriage part. Even after we realized we wanted go our separate ways we never did anything to hurt each other’s feelings and wish for this understanding we still have, to last. I guess what my aunt meant was that my life was way different to what everybody expected from a twenty eight year old guy from a middle class background. People expect you finish college, graduate, get a decent job, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. I’m not sorry that my life is different. I know a lot of guys and chicks that are very frustrated with life coz day in day out it’s the same bloody routine. Worst part is when your social obligations prevent you from trying to be whom you strived out to be when you started off.

On a different note I come from a clan of teachers. Ma’s one, grandma was one and countless aunts are too, including my favorite. It’s the opinion of most that the best thing that can happen to a marriage is one party being unemployed or at best a teacher. Oh, I almost forgot, the one party being the female party. Though most of us might deny this, most Sri Lankans are open to this idea. I was having a chat with a friend of mine who had a hand in changing his to-be fiancés career from corporate to a nursery teacher!! In Sri Lanka fear-psychosis plays a part in most “successful marriages”. “I’m sticking on coz I have no choice” or “Don’t leave me coz you have nowhere to go” are some of the catch phases you will hear if you listen carefully. I of course am a hard ass. I like my women independent, financially stable and intellectually challenging. By no means am I saying that I’m attracted to a woman who’s a mix between Maggie Tacher and a member of the German National Curling team. All I’m saying is that both parties should be independent enough, maybe not emotionally, so they wouldn’t get on each other’s hair. I like somebody who actually understands the meaning of “you say it best when you say nothing at all”. Somebody who I could go out for coffee with and read a book, not speak a single word and yet go back home feeling as if that’s the most productive “us” time we spent together.

There is no formula that you can live your life by. Don’t make plans if you don’t plan on working them. If you haven’t planned and you’re a bum right now, you’re a bum coz you didn’t have a plan. So go ahead make a plan for yourself. If not having a plan has worked for you so far, don’t worry about not having a plan either, no matter what anybody says.

If this post sounds like a fucking christmas tree, it was meant to sound that way ;-)

Mahawali Ganga Aine.

A limerick sung at the Roy-Tho.

Mary, enna yanne galak kapanna,
Mary, enna yanne galak kapanna,
Mary, enna yanne galak kapanna,
Ara mahawali ganga aine.

Mary, jangiya tikak pahath karanne,
Mary, jangiya tikak pahath karanne,
Mary, jangiya tikak pahath karanne,
Ara mahawali ganga aine.

Mary, meka thiyala thada kara ganne,
Mary, meka thiyala thada kara ganne,
Mary, meka thiyala thada kara ganne,
Ara mahawali ganga aine

Mary, amma enewa panala duwanne,
Mary, amma enewa panala duwanne,
Mary, amma enewa panala duwanne,
Ara mahawali ganga aine

Ammata udu, duwata wadiya amma hodai ne,
Ammata udu, duwata wadiya amma hodai ne,
Ammata udu, duwata wadiya amma hodai ne,
Ara mahawali ganga aine

This isn’t your fairytale.

I hate reality checks. Right now reality checks only tell me what I can’t do, what I can’t have and what I can’t give. They also tell me that I can go to Aussie. Fuck, I don’t even like koalas!! Last November 18th after the elections, I had to find a reason to stay back. I can remember coming in to office late, feeling completely and utterly fucked. I felt so fucked that my arse hurt. My election SMS application had not flown as much as I thought it would and worse, Ranil had lost the election. Slid down in my chair, lit up and thought what the hell is wrong with the whole thing or whether it was just me. Logged in to indi.ca to find peace to see that place was fucked too. The stupid-ass moderator kept informing about the situ in the north and the east and about people who were leaving the island. Slid so down in my chair that only the head was visible with smoke coming out of the nostrils. Thank god S walked in as chirpy as he possibly could. Had a chat on the whole thing, me in my suicidal and S in his matter-of-fact tones, both trying to find a reason to start believing again.

My phone (yes, the bitch I lost!) started playing Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I answer. God said let there be light and then there was light! I found my reason to believe. I found my reason to stay back. Em-star! My sweet, funny, darling little Em-star. The conversation ranged from Elephunk, and his mail on the petition for those who couldn’t vote, to reasons why freaks like us wouldn’t fit in any other country. I remember posting on indi.ca saying that I found my reason to stay, in a eat-your-heart-out-bitch sort of way.

Remember when Chandler on Friends kissed one of Joeys’ sisters and couldn’t remember which one he kissed? When Chandler admits crossing the line Joeys’ reaction is priceless. “You are so far away from the line that you cant even see the line”. Right now I’m so far away from the reason why I stayed back that I cant even see the reason. (Don’t ask me the connection). Been saying from then that I will take wings the day the reason is taken away from me and now the fairytale has almost come to an end. I lived in hope all my life. Now do I hope that Em-stars’ fairytale comes to an end so I can start living mine? Though I wish as hell I do, I cant. I’m a fuckhead who loves her too much to ever hope that.

That’s it; I’m off to my warm milk, calcium tabs and migration papers.

If you can’t understand this post, it IS your problem.

I don't know why..........

I was used to having somebody in my life since maybe 17. This may sound really stupid but it’s unbelievable how good it feels to say goodnight to somebody before you go to sleep. Right now, might be almost in a decade that I don’t have somebody to say that and it’s fucking hard to stomach the fact. The though of being lonely freeks me out. What’s even weirder is that I don’t want to have a relationship with the next potential chick I meet. I’m tired of meeting people. I’m tired of getting to know somebody all over again. I don’t want to get use to anybody again. It’s so fucking ironic that it’s funny.

Connecting People.

That’s the end of that. I lost my phone. I left it in the three-wheeler I took to get home. Had to be the most expensive ride of my life. Cost me 300 bucks and a Nokia 3230. Forget the metal and the electronics; I had picture, texts and videos which cannot be replaced. Fuck it, nothings permanent anyway. Good thing the Royal-Thomian is up next week.